The face that meant sadness was staring at you in my sweet dreams.

When I realized that things were different, I moved from that fragile and arid place to the place you had told me you would be there for the rest of your life. your boring and senseless life.

Like a headless butterfly. some petalless flower, seemingly restless without stopping.

The thirst for my presence. and sick of my own thoughts that burn and gnaw at me like maggots.

The day that I ask you how could you chatch up with my fast-changing emotions, stammering speech, trembling hands and lips, greeted with my blank, directionless gaze. but you just replied with a “smile” as if you were hugging me at that moment.

You joked coolly. scraping away the remaining mold and parasites inside me, that were flourished. I wish this was all over since the first day you told me we should be together.

I live like a wall of mirage above a chaotic and dark swamp.

Crying and laughing as mere masks.

I live like a horse that can't walk. its muscles are taut and it keeps running on thick sand. its strong bones have frozen with my nerves stretching to the outer skin. I am relentless. running alone chasing emptiness until my blood runs out.

A word came to wake me up.
"I want you to keep running. And don't come back" he said.

I replied "my mind is made up, I need to stop and see how far I have left me".

He kept saying the same words.

The roar of the rain in the afternoon. You looked at me in the monkey bar as if we were going to be okay.

I lied that time. You still trusted me perfectly. You. yes.. you.

Alone fought behind the smile you gave me that time. now I am still frozen at the end of that lips.

I wish I could break the silence with the emptiness of my hope.